Imperfect Balance
by Moon's Tear
Summary: Jack holds Boone's life in his hands. What happens in the aftermath of a tragedy? Pre-episode fic for 'Do No Harm' written based on spoilers. Please review!


**Imperfect Balance**

Jack comforts Boone as he lays on his deathbed. Will he survive or will Jack be left to pick up the pieces of his own life? One shot spin off of 'Do No Harm.' Please review!

_A.N.: Written based on the promos for the show. Some of the lines are taken from the commercials. If it's not entirely chronological or accurate, I apologize! I wrote this before I saw the episode._

Disclaimer: I do not own Lost but extend kudos to those who do. Great show!

Imperfect Balance

Jack stared down into Boone's glazed, helpless eyes. The younger man was terrified for his life. Jack watched the life literally seep from Boone's wounds. He was doing everything in his power to keep the man alive. He was too young to be let go. He had a full life ahead of him. Boone was a friend, a son, a brother. He meant more to Jack than Jack cared to let on. The doctor looked up and gazed sadly at where Shannon sat by her brother's bedside, weeping for the unknown and the inevitable. Jack had been trained to work to the extreme to save lives. He was a professional, sworn under the Hippocratic Oath. He looked down at the young man again and tears threatened to fall from his eyes. The situation was hopeless, but Jack would be damned if he gave up without a fight. Instead, he grasped Boone's hand reassuringly and put a comforting hand on the side of his face.

"You're not going to die. I'm going to save you," Jack said firmly.

He hoped that if he embodied his words with confidence it would help him convince himself that there was actually something to be done for Boone. The young man was fading quickly before his eyes. Jack could feel Boone's pulse flicker in his arteries. It was rapid and growing increasingly weak. His breathing was shallow and the pain was overbearing. If Jack could somehow take the pain upon himself he would do it in a second. Boone was quickly slipping into septic shock from the infection that was spreading through the wounds he had obtained in the fall. Jack wished that the antibiotics he had could cure what was quickly killing Boone, but it was a thought made in vain. They wouldn't do anything besides perhaps cause an allergic reaction. At that moment, Sun rushed into the caves, carrying a coconut half filled with a clumpy green poultice. She handed it to Jack.

"Here, this will help," Sun said lightly.

"What is it?" Jack asked.

"Medicine handed down from my grandmother. It has healing properties and will help stop the infection from getting worse," Sun explained.

Jack looked at it skeptically but decided that it was better than doing nothing and letting Boone die. Besides, Sun's remedies had helped others on the island; this one might just be Boone's only hope. Jack carefully scooped up some of the poultice and gently spread it over Boone's cuts and scrapes. The young man cried out in pain but his thrashing was kept minimal by Sayid and Charlie's restraint. Jack wanted to run out into the torrential rain and scream at the top of his lungs. He was sworn to do no harm and it caused him unimaginable agony to cause Boone such additional pain. Jack quickly finished and put makeshift bandages on the still bleeding wounds. Boone slowly calmed down, but it didn't comfort Shannon. She still cried madly by his side. Jack put a hand on her shoulder.

"I promise I'll get him through this, Shannon," Jack said lightly.

He only hoped that he could keep his promise. The exhaustion was beginning to set in and chill his bones. It seemed to settle over the group. Boone began to shiver from the blood loss and the cold. Jack covered him with a few airplane blankets and rubbed his arms to bring up his body temperature. In his condition hypothermia was a dangerous complication. If his heart slowed from the chill it might not be able to keep up with the blood loss. This would eventually cause shock and Jack would be completely helpless. Suddenly Boone began to desperately gasp for breath. He was clutching at his chest and Jack had to hold his hands down. Sayid took over the restraint so that Jack could assess the newest damage. Boone was beginning to feel faint and was growing increasingly pale. Jack grasped his wrist and was alarmed by Boone's pulse. It was becoming faster and more irregular with each second. Jack could hear Boone struggling to intake oxygen.

"What's going on?" Someone asked.

Jack heard the question from somewhere behind him, no longer sure of who any of the individual voices in the melee belonged to.

"His lung just collapsed," Jack replied somberly.

Just when Jack thought the situation couldn't get any worse, Boone's condition slipped a few inches closer to an early grave. All there was left to do for the young man was pray. With his death would come doubt. The survivors would begin to doubt rescue. They would begin to doubt Jack's leadership, his skill and his competency. Jack himself would be heartbroken if Boone didn't make it. Only time would tell how this mad misfortune would unwind.

Jack sat by Boone for hours, trying to comfort both him and Shannon. It was becoming hopeless. Boone had already slipped into a coma from his injuries and the shock. He was circling the drain and there was no way to prevent the inevitable. Jack took a deep breath and tried to swallow the growing feelings of dread that were beginning to wash over him like torrential waves. He allowed himself to shed a few of the tears that everyone else seemed inclined to show. A tear made its way from the corner of his eye, indiscernible in the cold rain apart from its warmth. It flowed down his cheek and dripped off of his chin. The tear fell, lost among the raindrops, onto Boone's motionless body. With that Boone breathed his last pained breath. Jack didn't even have to say the words. The entire group, Shannon inclusive, seemed to know. An eerie hush fell over them as they began to silently mourn the loss of one of their own. Shannon became hysterical and all Jack could do for her was sympathize. She stood up shakily and fell into Sayid's waiting, open arms.

* * *

Jack sat with his head in his hands. It was the morning after Boone's death. He felt the calm after the storm fall over the island and choke everyone with its weight. Boone would never be given another chance to face a storm, be it physical or personal. Jack felt a sense of loss. He had lost more than a friend in Boone. He had lost his own sense of confidence. Jack looked at his hands. They were supposed to be healing hands, so why the hell did they bring so much new injury? Jack had isolated himself from the rest of the group. He sat on a boulder overlooking the ocean miles away from the caves. He couldn't go back. He couldn't face the group. Not after what had transpired the night before. If he went back all that would happen is the group would be torn apart.

Kate stared at Jack. He was silent and completely still. Deep in concentration, undoubtedly. After saying few but comforting words to Shannon the night before, Jack ran off into the darkness of the jungle and had been drawn into a self imposed exile. Kate had the feeling that Jack would be a broken man if Boone passed away. She was right. Kate could feel the self loathing radiating from Jack from a mile away. She cautiously stepped toward where he was sitting, oblivious to anything but the pain. Kate prayed that he would let her lessen it a bit. After all, no one was blaming him. Locke, on the other hand, was not so lucky. Maybe he knew that the guilt would fall on him, which would have explained his being gone AWOL into the jungle suddenly the night before. Kate walked over and sat down right next to Jack. She was close enough to feel the heat radiate from his body. Jack didn't even seem to notice her arrival. Kate gently placed a hand on Jack's arm, which was resting in his lap. Jack seemed startled by the gestures. His gaze fell from the ocean and instead his eyes met Kate's.

"I killed him," Jack deadpanned.

"You did not kill him, Jack. You tried your best to save him. Sometimes even heroic measures aren't enough. You know that! You see it each day in the hospital back home. I know you want to blame yourself, but it's not your fault," Kate consoled.

"I broke my promise," Jack said hoarsely.

"Nobody's perfect, Jack. You can't hold this against yourself," Kate said lightly.

Jack rubbed a hand over his tired eyes. That was just the problem, he could and often did hold everything against himself. Kate didn't know how much he distrusted himself, even more so after the previous night's events. If he couldn't trust himself, who could trust him? The rest of the group would probably exile him. No matter, he would make it easier on all of them by exiling himself. Kate watched as tears welled up in Jack's eyes. She was determined not to let him pick up the pieces himself. Kate rubbed a comforting hand over Jack's back and encouraged him to continue.

"I've broken everyone's trust, Kate. I can't go back there," Jack said simply.

"You haven't broken anything," Kate said firmly. "By going back you'll show everyone that you are more determined than ever to help in any way you can. Everyone still believes in you Jack, even though you may not exactly believe in yourself right now. I know I still believe in and trust you."

Jack sighed.

"I don't know if I can do it anymore," Jack said softly.

"Do what?" Kate inquired.

"Be the leader, the doctor, the person everyone looks to for guidance," Jack replied.

"Oh, Jack, don't be stupid! If you really want to move on and avenge Boone's death then you'll stop this nonsense, you'll come back with me and you will continue doing exactly what you've been doing all along. You've saved me more than once, in ways you'll never know or understand. You've saved us all, Jack. You're not the only one feeling guilty, you know. Locke ran off last night, too. He's taking his own time to grieve and we can be without him for a while but we can't go on without you. Besides, if no one trusted or believed in you anymore, would I ask you to take a look at my ankle? I think I may have twisted it on the way over here," Kate said reassuringly.

Jack looked at her skeptically and put out a hand, motioning for her to give him her injured foot. Kate obliged and watched as Jack untied her boot and held back a gasp when he saw the bruising and swelling. He gently examined her injury. Kate winced and hissed in pain when he pressed down on the more tender spots, but she put up with his thorough survey. If she wanted to inspire confidence in the man she would have to make some sacrifices. For Jack, Kate was willing to do anything. Once Jack was finished he gently replaced Kate's boot and looked up at her with sad eyes.

"You've definitely sprained it. I can bandage it for you when we get back to the caves," Jack said quietly.

Kate's heart leapt for joy when he agreed to come back. She smiled and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"You won't regret this, Jack. You need time to grieve. Hell, we all do. We can go back to our daily routines with heavy hearts, but if we're all together than we can help each other and eventually move on. Besides, I know you want to be there when we bury Boone. I know Shannon will want you there. You said it yourself once, Jack. We either stay together or die alone. No one could go on if we lost you, too," Kate finished.

Jack just looked at her, flashing her a weak albeit grateful smile. Jack stood up and held his hand out for her to follow suit. Kate got up and Jack placed a hand around her waist to help her walk as they made their way back to the caves. They stopped part of the way back to catch a breath. The humid morning air burned their lungs and made them feel alive. For some reason, Jack didn't feel so lucky. He was saddened by the fact that Boone would never feel the morning air again. Jack felt he didn't deserve life, but he would try to go on, for Kate's sake. Just then, Kate's voice snapped him out of his reverie.

"You know, if you hadn't run off so fast last night you would have witnessed a miracle. Claire had her baby. It's a girl and she's naming it Jacqueline, after you. You're a hero, Jack, don't doubt it. Ah, and I've just found another good reason for you to return. You have to see to Claire and the baby, make sure everything is okay," Kate said warmly.

Jack smiled. It was funny how the island worked. The magical, mystical island never ceased to amaze him. Boone had lost his life and Claire had given life to her new baby. It was an imperfect balance. After all, as two of God's creatures, Boone should have been able to live while Claire's baby was welcomed into the world, too. After all, Boone was still young. He was a baby in his own way, with many of life's lessons left to learn, much like Jack himself. Now the baby would be minus one uncle. Jack would make sure that when the baby was older she would know that her uncle had been a real hero. It was the least he could do to tip the scales back to some sort of equilibrium and to honor Boone's memory.

Until then all Jack could do was try pick up all of the pieces of his shattered faith.

Faith in God.

Faith in Life.

Most importantly, faith in himself…

* * *

_A.N.: So? What do you think? I wrote this after seeing some of the promos for Do No Harm. It's just my spin on what I can see happening. I'm not psychic. If I'm wrong here according to the episode it's because I haven't seen it yet! I'm going to leave it as is even if I am wrong. Please review and tell me what you think! Thanks! –Julia-_


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